Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Are You Crazy?

It's been good for me to write about these things over the past few months, as they stir in me the longing to go back. After reading all these posts, you're probably asking the question, "Are you people certifiably nuts? Why on earth would you do that? And especially why would you ever take your kids there?"

Honestly, I struggled with that question a lot because everyone I knew, with the exception of a few, basically told us we were crazy for even considering it. We truly believed, though, that He would not have called us into this if it weren't meant for our family to do it together. We asked a lot concerning when and how we could do this as a family.

In the weeks preceding the trip, I began to doubt. Then one day I heard the song Oceans from Hillsong United. The lyrics spoke straight to my heart. These are just a few of the ones that really touched me at my point of doubt:

You call me out upon the water
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your Sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

I think it's very possible for feet to fail on a trip like this. Fear literally can surround you--I mean, have you ever heard wolves howling in the woods outside your tent?! After hearing the song the one time, I asked the Lord, "Would you use this song to speak to me about this trip and whether it's what we're supposed to be doing?" I couldn't remember the lyrics or tune so I left it at that. I even tried to remember it and couldn't. Then, one night three days later, I woke up in the middle of the night with the bridge playing as a loud as a radio in my head. It filled me with such a sense of peace.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders,
Let me walk upon the water,
Wherever you would call me,
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger,
In the presence of my Savior.

And that is exactly what He did. You get to the point where you say, "Okay, Lord. I'm okay with this since you want me to do it." But what if it doesn't turn out okay even though He called you to it? What if it costs you dearly? Can you be okay with even then? I'm still wrestling with that question, especially when it comes to my family, but I have a peace that if ________, then God. That's how Beth Moore put it, and I think it pretty much sums it up.

Thanks for listening over these months, and I hope you'll enjoy snippets from P.J.'s current trip soon, too.

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